Seaside Ghost

baby thoughts (Tuesday, April 13, 2010)

my sister-in-law called me last night and told me shes pregnant. i excited for her, but at the same time i have mixed feelings. i still don’t feel like i’m fully over jude. i don’t know if i ever really will be. and to be fair, this is her life and what she wants and i really have no place or opinion in it, but it’s just kind of bittersweet in my heart.

and with all the pregnancies around me, it makes me appreciate- even more- my decision to only have one child. i can’t even begin to describe my distaste for being pregnant. the fact that i couldnt see my feet or put on my own shoes was so frustrating! the morning sickness and weight gain left something to be desired as well. and with T going through tactical 3’s, it makes me even more happy i’ll only do it once.

i like knowing that went the hubs retires from the military we will be free to do what we want. hopefully T will be in collage and if she’s not, we’ll have the world to share with her. cruises and exotic vacations. i’m hoping she’ll be my running buddy and we can travel and run races together. theres more i wanna do than raise children into my 50’s.

i’m not knocking anyones desire to that. it’s just not for me. i love kids, especially other peoples kids. but thats because they belong to other people. :)

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