uneasy (Wednesday, April 28, 2010)
any other family would love love to have their kids visit. not mine. now i have to spend 6 weeks staying with whoever will give me a place. and it’s just because she “likes her quiet” what kinda shit is that?! yes, because me and T are so loud and we just take up so much room.
my feelings are really hurt even though i’m not really sure why. this isnt the first time in my life shes done this to me. i just thought after all the texts about how much she misses us and all the talks about the fun things we’ve done together, things would be different. i guess not.
if it weren’t for my friends begging me to still come and my sister-in-law giving us a place to stay i wouldnt even be going. i’d just make a trip to trinidad sometime in june just to get away for a bit. i’m still not even sure all the hassle is worth it. i still have to find a gym with childcare so i can continue running too. either that or my last resort: finding a jogging stroller. but it’s so hot in so cal in june i know i’m not gonna wanna run outside.
i just have to not develop bad habits all over again! like eating out too much, drinking too much alcohol or coffee, smoking and being lazy. not sure how well thats gonna work considering i’ll be away from a kitchen most of the time.
i also have the 12 hr drive up to trinidad to consider then another 10 hrs from there back home. when i put it into perspective like this, it makes me not wanna go. but the thought of being trapped in this tiny apartment with 8 people for 3 weeks makes me want to leave right now.
it just also really irks me that I PAY RENT HERE but no one bothered to tell me about any of this. the only way i’m finding out about this 3 weeks visit is because i keep discussing my plans. if i could just find a hotel cheap enough, i’d just spend june living in a local hotel. near my gym with childcare.
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