Seaside Ghost

not quite there (Sunday, May 23, 2010)

i’m super glad to be staying with my sister-in-law while hubs is in basic and everything but it’s still weird to see the house filled with Jude’s stuff. his room is still painted, his stuff is in the front closet and in the garage and it just makes me wish so badly he was around.

T would have loved to help auntie with the baby and it would have given me someone else to spoil. i stood in the doorway to his room just looking and imagining a nursery and imagined hearing him cry in the mornings and playing little games with him and watch him crawl around the living room and rocking him and cuddling him and getting to spend the next couple months with him. and i had to leave the room before i started crying.

and seeing kristens tattoo wasnt any easier, either. i got my T tattoo on my wrist because i love her. i couldnt imagine getting her name tattooed because shes gone.

it’s easy to deal and cope with difficult situations when your 1300 miles away but once you find yourself thrown back into the situation, it all comes flooding back and you find being removed doesnt mean the pain is gone.

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